Jaipur, 17th of Dec, 3pm local time.
I was shivering on my bed. Fever it seems. Or I was simple freezing. Did not prepare for such a cold weather. I’ve finished my touring in the morning. The guide was good. But he couldn’t wait to get it over with. Which is fine by me. Any other day I would’ve demanded to stay longer and marvel at the carvings, details and effort it all took. But today I was shivering. Managed to catch a cold in Delhi, I spent yesterday’s 5 hours journey by car to Jaipur, sleeping. I do not remember much of the trip but a mildly edible slimy chicken biryani on the halfway point. And the old lady that charged me to pee. I don’t mind that. What’s the point of sticking around in a job that you hate if you can’t splurge a little eh? Like peeing in a clean toilet. Such novelty. Such joy.
So three pm. In between two realms I know I was delirious. The room felt familiar. Sleep was beckoning yet all I could feel was sweat pouring through my pores. In between tossing and turning from sleep to wake, a voice that seemed to be of my own, squared me and told me what I had to do.
“Guard your heart” Loud and clear. “Open up your heart, love freely, give happily, share joy abubdandtly, but never ever ever give your heart away to latch on anything that when the thing walks away, a piece of your heart walks with it” sounds familiar. I must’ve read it somewhere in the past. I must’ve understood it once. But again and again I chipped away a portion of my heart and bid farewell.
What makes it different this time? Perhaps nothing. But anything that comes out through feverish delirium seem a lot more poignant than anything that comes out of a book.
So yes. Guard your heart. Guard your ears, eyes, smell and touch for they are the window to your heart that at the end of the day trumps your brain every single time.