It’s funny how with times you could only remember certain occasions from the past. What used to be a life had been reduced to a collection of moments and occasions scattered with gaps of what actually happened and took place. Even funnier when you realized what actually sticks in your mind defines who you are now. The way certain people in my life had taken upon themselves to acknowledge the state of my physique had forever etched their way into my brain no matter how many times they have perhaps changed their mind. For the longest time I am still the fourteen year old awkwardly tall and fat girl that did not have a clue how to dress nor catch boys’ attentions. Or so they said. It took ten years plus to change what could be changed but deep inside I am still the same girl after all. No longer weighing 70 kilograms and curling inward at the presence of the opposite sex, no words nor compliments could remove the imprints of those few occasions from decade past from my memory. Forgiveness is one thing, forgetting is a complete different beast.
In a downward spiral, it’s so much easier to blame those occasions more than taking full responsibilities of my actions for aren’t those moments the ones who have shaped me most of all?
Things will start changing once I decide to. Starting with ensuring I see the light of day tomorrow. One step at a time.