There was perhaps a time when you think that if you eat your vegetables, finish your plate, do the right thing, you will sail through life peacefully. You’ll go through one rite of passage after another unabashedly. Graduate, get a college sweetheart, get married and get those 2.5 kids with the iconic SUV in the ‘burbs. And then life happened.
Slowly you start to shed layer by layer of how you think your life is going to pan out and start filling them with unexpected, and sometimes fragmented memories, crosses, notches and all. Then there comes a moment when you realize that perhaps, you are simply not within that 2 or 3 standard deviation of the mean that everybody keeps quoting. That the life that had been throwing every curves possible in one’s book, will probably keep doing so as long as you can still stand it. Twists and turns will always come, delighting and throwing you off balance. Unsurprisingly, it does sometimes feel like you’re just in this huge big test that you just can’t figure out the finish line. So you start to enjoy every second that you get trashed about. Every second that your heart melts, sometimes for the wrong reason. As long as you can stand it. Because… at the end of the day, there are indeed emergency exit doors.
Emergency exit doors. For when you think you can’t take the ups and downs anymore and choose the easy way out. They will come in your face with their bright lights. Luring you to escape all this madness and perhaps for once, settle. So when those doors arrive right smack bang in your face, you can’t help but stare, and wonder. Is this it?
Is. This. It?
When the answer is no. Keep running. I don’t know how many ‘exit’ doors I have passed. I’m not entirely sure what it is that keeps me going. But every single time I look back at those doors, and think about the journey between then and now, I am thankful. Thankful for my stubbornness. Thankful for my cold, cold heart. Thankful for my twisted resilience. Thankful that after all of that, I still have some faith left in me to all that is good of this world.
Another lifetime, another world, I could be cooking a big pot of stew for my 2.5 kids in a little house in the ‘burbs right now beyond one of those exit doors. But this life? not quite yet. Last stretch of the marathon. In the words of exit strategy, I’m running toward my big IPO instead of selling out to those acquisitions. Oh Lord.