To keep coming back to the one who had squashed you and smashed you and transformed your heart into an unrecognizable pulpy vengeful matter. To keep crawling back with puppy eyes, open arms and embracing hugs. To keep pretending that all is well, that all is sacred and that all is there for a reason.
Stupidity, as I have come to know it, is a malicious disease. It comes unexpectedly, attacks unnervingly even to the very best of us. Stupidity. Often stems from our own willingness to accept things as they are. In this attempt to understand the unexplainable, we create a story so beautiful that we mistake it for reality. And what a mistake it is.
Threading a fine line of fooling oneself that all the actions is under what we so called forgiveness, compassion and a big heart, again and again I offer my heart to be chomped down with steel toed shoes. Sometimes without them knowing.
And it always arrive to the same one point. Where all understandings, patience and empathy evaporated and the thin mucky layer on your eyes dissolve. At that point in time, you’ll see things for what truly are.
You’ll cry for your stupidity. You’ll cry for your stubbornness to give them a chance of being who they are. But mostly you’ll cry for time lost in the drain for believing that you have, above all, lied to yourself. Again and again.
To have him convince you that he is right in all his action is one thing. To find yourself continuously and unabashedly assuring your very own self that indeed they have every right to treat you like a piece of shit, is downright pathetic.
But just like parties have their last round calls, so will this pity party ends. Now.
Shit. Freakin. Happens. Move on already.