Night Before Exam
I am going nuts.
Writing usually helps.
Anxiety attack. The need to perform. The need to excel. The rushing feeling and looking back knowing hell yea I did all I can.
I feel like I’m not putting as much hours as the rest. I feel like everybody is stressing out and that I should too. While really, I do not have any reason to, beyond my fear of formal testing in general. Hours staring at the exam paper back in engineering not having a clue where to even begin. Brain freeze. And not the one you got from a cup of Slurpee either.
Yes of course everyone will say grade is not everything. Many people who have taken this route before said the same resounding message, “Don’t study too hard, make sure you build friendships. Three months after the course, you’ll forget everything you learnt, but you’ll keep the friendships and networks you made in those months you spent worrying about your grades.” Not a single one said “I wish I had done a lot more studying to get the extra percentage.” Well, my judgment could be biased if just so happen all the said acquaintances happened to be the top of the crop… And I do want to believe it whole heartedly.
But whatever I want to believe, it often comes down is that on paper, a high grade is still a lot more comfortable. It’s your cushy pad for times when worse come to worse. It’s like when you’re stranded in the middle of nowhere and have to sleep in your car. Would you rather sleep in a comfortable cozy car or a bajaj? Yes. I want my BMW-type grades.
Pretty please with cherry on top.
I’ve been Oprah-ing all day with my visualization (of clicking ‘Result’ of the online test and seeing full mark. Yes 40 out of 40. Booyah!) and imagining the exact situation (coming out of exam still having energy to study for the rest of the day).
Don’t fail on me now, Oprah.
One of the many exams to come, I do hope my stomach won’t give out from the stress. 😀
Zooming past the exam, I made sure I answered each questions correctly before moving on to the next. A few tricky ones, but I wouldn’t say the test was exceptionally difficult. So when it came to the heart-stopping moment of checking the result, I was still hoping for a 40 out of 40.
And… *drumrolls* Got 80 out of 100.
Lesson learnt: When visualizing, know the scoring system. Good thing I didn’t get a 40 eh.
Alas, on to the next exams. Which is why I’m spending my Sunday afternoon cooped inside an admittedly well-lit study room, while I could’ve been out and about experiencing the city. And perhaps see something like this:
And yes.. I have a new found hidden fascination with tattoo. I have a picture brewing in my mind. Doesn’t really mean that I am decided in getting one… but more like.. for those who are already committed in tattoos, I know what sort of drawings I want to see on them..